I think the thing that hurt the most is how close we were.. how in sync we were.. how.. beautiful we were together. I remember the day I first saw you. How I had such an obvious personality conflict with you, and how I couldn't stand to be around you. And when we talked of those first months, it would always make us laugh because of how invincible we had become. I remember when you got sick... and I came to see you every single day, even if it meant I had to skip lunch. I remember traveling long distances with you by my side. Even a 20 hour ride with no air conditioner was just perfect cause we went through it together. I remember all the inside jokes, sucker punches, tears, dreams, long emotional talks, arguments, clothes, notebook entries, constant text conversations, and 3 hour phone calls we shared. I also remember the exact moment when you very seriously looked me in the eyes and said, "Will you be my best friend?". I loved taking you lunch when you were working, even though you're a picky eater and always complained about it. We always seemed to get in trouble together.. mainly because you couldn't keep your mouth shut and you always told on yourself. You made me laugh when my world was falling apart, and you always told me, "Come on Teres, it's time to pull yourself up by your bootstraps." You'd never hesitate to tell me when I was wrong, even if you agreed with what I was saying. You tried your hardest to understand my passive aggressive tendencies. We were so close that we used eachother as a trashcan for our own emotional vomit. At times we tore each other down, because we knew we could get away with showing our true selves to eachother. The details of why we don't speak anymore, are ugly and hurtful, still filled with a little bitterness. Though I know you may never read this.. I just needed to say.. I forgive you. As hard as it is to reflect on the good things about our friend ship, I needed to remember you for why I loved you. And deep down, I still love you, and I always will. I try hard not to think of you, but when I do.. I look up and pray that you will have a happy life, apart from mine. Goodbye my friend. Goodbye forever.
sad, but its time to move on
ReplyDeleteThanks mom.
ReplyDeleteI love you teresa. it is hard when the ones we love most decide that they dont need or want us anymore, for whatever reason or grudge that they are hanging on too. when it comes to friendship, true friendship, you should always be able to work things out no matter what. even if our selfish inside voice doesnt want to. my selfish bitter self says leave them alone. but my heart still wants to talk to them and know how they are doing. to make sure they are alright even though i know that they dont even bother to think twice about me. teresa, you are a type of person that cares and will never truly stop caring. im kinda like that too. as much as i like to say in my mind that i hate a person and that i couldnt care less is a lie. i lie because its better than admitting that i care. and caring about people that dont care about you hurts. a lot. its a curse really, caring too much. but eventually we do have to let go and move on no matter how bad it kills us inside. its taken me years to get over a really good friend. im sorry life has to be this way. it sucks. but just know this, i will always care about you and you always have a friend in me. just like randy newman sang, youve got a friend in me. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThanks Sarah, you always have been an amazing friend. I miss you alot, and I really wish we would get close again! :) Love you.
ReplyDeleteWonderfully written, I love how it starts light and fun nostalgia and follows a path of destruction to eventually end in sadness yet acceptance. What a great job expressing how you feel.
ReplyDeleteThanks Wen. Sometimes the best writing comes through tears. :)
ReplyDeletewe can always get close again. im only a phone call away. sometime soon i shall come visit you. how bout a weekend in november? deal? well no matter, i will still come and stalk you anyway lol
ReplyDelete